Originally Posted by Pengwin7

LOL. Join the muddafuggin club.

I work a 40.00hr work week.

We have a 3-year old kid. I got in a big argument with my wife a few weeks ago because every night when I get home I "offer" to give her a break (never the other-way around).

My "relaxing time" comes at 10:00pm, when she goes to bed and I can watch violent films or play video games.
I supplement that with time on DobberHockey during the work day.

Let this 35-year old man, married 5+ years, shed some general advice on women I've learned over the years.

1. MOST IMPORTANT: Women are always (always!) looking forward to the next BIG thing. Unlike men, women can not live in happiness in the moment (they say they can, they can't). They are always looking to improve and to catch up with their more successful friends. If your wife is depressed, it is likely because she has nothing to look forward to. I don't know what that THING or EVENT is... but you have to figure it out. At our house, it is known that we have one major project per year. In 2007 we re-did our floors, in 2008 we re-did our countertops, in 2009 we had a baby & got a new car (for her), in 2010 we got some new appliances, in 2011 we built a front porch, in 2012 we re-did our front landscaping, for 2013 we are looking at new HVAC. We also had our daughter at home for the first few years and then sent her to pre-school this year. We talked about this when my daughter turned 1... so it was a whole year where my wife was looking forward to some time opening up (at the expense of our bank account). Summary: TABLE an idea, something she can look forward. Let her plan a vacation or something around the house. Depression comes from a consistent state of being unhappy in the present and seeing no END to it. Too much time to dwell on the fact that there is nothing positive to look forward too.

2. Flowers. Whenever my wife goes through something tough (we've had 5 miscarriages now - and a string of medical bills that are higher than 9/10 people), I bring home some flowers. I always say "Sorry you feel this way". Then we talk for a while and then I issue a few key words "So... what's your plan?". It's not just the look of the flowers, so much as a daily reminder... everytime she sees them she'll think "My husband was supportive, he listened, and now I have a plan".

3. Support Network. I have no idea what your support network is like... but that's key. As men, we can stand-alone and exist well. I have no family within 1000km of me (here in Atlanta, as a Canadian). My wife has her friend group from high school & college and her family. There's a lot of other people she can talk-to when she feels depressed (which has been OFTEN over the last 3 years... again, she's had 5 miscarriages... you want to see a woman go through depression, have her continue to lose potential babies while all of her friends are popping them out with ease and celebrating that joy daily on facebook... trust me man, I know what its like). Whenever she doesn't have support from her friends, she needs you. I know it sucks. But once you get married, you're not in Life1 anymore... you're in Life2. Life2 isn't about you, it's about somebody else. You have to be a stable ROCK. Listening to her depression stories is going to wear you the fugg down. Be the ROCK. You can do this. Besides... you married her! LOL. I say this to myself all the time "Shit, I picked her!".

In the end, I'm exhausted in life... but that's Life2. I love my wife (for as needy and depressed as she can be) and I love being a dad.

Summary:
1. Plan something for her/you to look forward to. This keeps her mind busy.
2. Bring home flowers. Talk. Finish with "What's your plan?"
3. Think about what you need to do to improve her support network. And remember, you are a ROCK. We men, buddy... we the strong ones, we don't shine any more, but you still hold up the house.
Don't forget that!

Originally Posted by dongjohnson

So I work like 45 hours a week, and my Wife wants us to spend every single fking second I'm not at work, with her, giving her my undivided fking attention.

Apparently, this is all coming to a head because she's "Depressed". Please, please, come and kill me.

Originally Posted by eyemissgilmour

I don't mean to offend anyone with what I'm about to say.
But honestly, this is what I see as an objective observer.

Too many men, today, are wimps.

They tiptoe around their ladies' fragile emotional requirements.
And when they're not doing that, they are SPOILING them.

And by spoiling them:
1) You are feeding their frivilous needs and making the problem worse. You're simply feeding their narcissism temporarily and consistently (because it pretty much becomes a daily thing) and you'll never be free from it. Until they bleed you dry and move on to the next sucker.

2) You make it worse for your brethren. If men united and said "we're not going to take it anymore" things would start to improve. We have needs too. We aren't on this planet to make women feel better about themselves. We aren't here to fill the void they have in their hearts because daddy didn't love them enough or abandoned them.

And lastly, stop trading things (e.g. flowers) for exsay! It's an unfair trade. They get the "things" AND the exsay. You just get the exsay. How's that fair?! Exsay is supposed to be a mutually enjoyable act for both parties. So WHY are men these days always trading something in order to get it?!?! Mind boggling.

It's simple. Get your balls back people.
Reach into her purse and take them back. They're yours.

(Before you ask, yes... yes, I've been guilty of the very things I preach about herein. But I'm consciously trying to change. We can DO IT folks!)

Originally Posted by Bomm Bastic

Um, you want me - in some feigned attempt at solidarity -to treat my wife with less favor because you lost your testicles?

Do I have that right?

Originally Posted by eyemissgilmour

Because we all have.

Originally Posted by Pengwin7

LOL. Join the muddafuggin club.

I work a 40.00hr work week.

We have a 3-year old kid. I got in a big argument with my wife a few weeks ago because every night when I get home I "offer" to give her a break (never the other-way around).

My "relaxing time" comes at 10:00pm, when she goes to bed and I can watch violent films or play video games.
I supplement that with time on DobberHockey during the work day.

Let this 35-year old man, married 5+ years, shed some general advice on women I've learned over the years.

1. MOST IMPORTANT: Women are always (always!) looking forward to the next BIG thing. Unlike men, women can not live in happiness in the moment (they say they can, they can't). They are always looking to improve and to catch up with their more successful friends. If your wife is depressed, it is likely because she has nothing to look forward to. I don't know what that THING or EVENT is... but you have to figure it out. At our house, it is known that we have one major project per year. In 2007 we re-did our floors, in 2008 we re-did our countertops, in 2009 we had a baby & got a new car (for her), in 2010 we got some new appliances, in 2011 we built a front porch, in 2012 we re-did our front landscaping, for 2013 we are looking at new HVAC. We also had our daughter at home for the first few years and then sent her to pre-school this year. We talked about this when my daughter turned 1... so it was a whole year where my wife was looking forward to some time opening up (at the expense of our bank account). Summary: TABLE an idea, something she can look forward. Let her plan a vacation or something around the house. Depression comes from a consistent state of being unhappy in the present and seeing no END to it. Too much time to dwell on the fact that there is nothing positive to look forward too.

2. Flowers. Whenever my wife goes through something tough (we've had 5 miscarriages now - and a string of medical bills that are higher than 9/10 people), I bring home some flowers. I always say "Sorry you feel this way". Then we talk for a while and then I issue a few key words "So... what's your plan?". It's not just the look of the flowers, so much as a daily reminder... everytime she sees them she'll think "My husband was supportive, he listened, and now I have a plan".

3. Support Network. I have no idea what your support network is like... but that's key. As men, we can stand-alone and exist well. I have no family within 1000km of me (here in Atlanta, as a Canadian). My wife has her friend group from high school & college and her family. There's a lot of other people she can talk-to when she feels depressed (which has been OFTEN over the last 3 years... again, she's had 5 miscarriages... you want to see a woman go through depression, have her continue to lose potential babies while all of her friends are popping them out with ease and celebrating that joy daily on facebook... trust me man, I know what its like). Whenever she doesn't have support from her friends, she needs you. I know it sucks. But once you get married, you're not in Life1 anymore... you're in Life2. Life2 isn't about you, it's about somebody else. You have to be a stable ROCK. Listening to her depression stories is going to wear you the fugg down. Be the ROCK. You can do this. Besides... you married her! LOL. I say this to myself all the time "Shit, I picked her!".

In the end, I'm exhausted in life... but that's Life2. I love my wife (for as needy and depressed as she can be) and I love being a dad.

Summary:
1. Plan something for her/you to look forward to. This keeps her mind busy.
2. Bring home flowers. Talk. Finish with "What's your plan?"
3. Think about what you need to do to improve her support network. And remember, you are a ROCK. We men, buddy... we the strong ones, we don't shine any more, but you still hold up the house.
Don't forget that!