- I doped.

Wow, congratulations on taking the big step forward to admitting that it was wrong.

- [Internally thinking "Wrong?"] Thank you, I can't wait to get back in competition.

And we can't wait to have you. Now, are you still using PEDs?

- Umm no.

That's great to hear. If you wouldn't mind, please take these tests to prove you're clean.

- No sweat, I've passed these tests a million times.

I think you are missing the point.

- Umm, you mean I was supposed to stop?!

Yes. That is one of our focuses, to clean up the sport.

- But. But. But. But how am I supposed to win?! Oh well, at least I automatically qualify so I can still cycle to save face.

Umm.

__________________

" You said you don't give a f*ck about hockey. I've never heard anyone say that before."