| Pet Stores. Bed S***ting. Missing persons | Tweet |
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| Written by Tim Arnold | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sunday, 07 November 2010 14:59 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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The pet store - you know the one. The one that you somehow hit up every time you’re at the mall. I’m guilty, too. You’re not alone. I blame my wife, but who’s kidding who? I’m a sucker for puppies. And then came the day. Two weeks ago, I got roped into buying a beagle puppy. Her name is Ruby. I love animals more than anyone, but Ruby has the Lord to thank that I don’t own a firearm.
One night, after I think was shit No. 2 on my duvet, my wife says to me “Hey you’ve had a rough night with bed shitting”. I reply with a puzzled “WTF are you talking about?” “Well the Leafs just shit the bed verus the Rangers, and Ruby just shit our bed.” I couldn’t believe it. She was right. My life has turned into one big night of bed shitting. If @biznasty2point0 lived closer, he could supply me some help in cleaning it all up.
I play in four leagues. After three weeks, I am sitting like this. First of 12, first of 12, third of 12 and a beautiful 12 of 12. Yes, 12 of 12 in that last one. You know who you are! We’ve all got one of those teams. What was that about bed shitting? Don’t worry. We still have plenty of time to change the sheets.
There’s a few guys who need fresh sheets in a hurry.
- Cowtown is missing Jarome Iginla. Iggy is looking like he may have lost a small step, and for the first time ever is looking almost awkwardly out of place in Calgary these days. I still think he is capable of scoring 25- 30 goals, but the days of 40 are gone. How he didn’t immediately ask for a trade the day they brought back both Tanguay and Jokinen is beyond me. Classy guy, but it’s time to go. He would look really good in an LA Kings jersey.
- Anyone in Toronto not named Phil Kessel or Clarke Macarthur. The two of them have accounted for 14 of the Leafs 31 goals. Nearly 50%. I am still taking the under in the “Does Macarthur Score 20" department. I know Parise owners are looking for LW replacement on the wire, but Clarke Macarthur isn’t Clarke Kent.
- I was eating breakfast at Denny’s in Pittsburgh this week and I swear I saw Marc-Andre Fleury’s face on a milk carton. When Pittsburgh gets electricity, it will be on the TV there, too. They’re really worried. Is it too early to drop a guy like Fleury if someone such as Michal Neuvirth is available on waivers? I’d say not quite yet on the drop, but you’re gonna have to sacrifice something, somewhere, to help get you through this classic bed shitting.
- How about Tyler Myers? His minus-12 rating has made me puke in my throat a few times already. He should just be sleeping on the mattress, no sheets at all. He’s shit them every night for three weeks. Enough is enough.
Do I need to tell you what not to do this week?
Now, about that firearm...
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Comments (24)
RZ
said:
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A good start but... My only complaint is what kind of bush league pools are you in that Neuvirth is available on the waiver wire? If he wasn't drafted, your league isn't competitive, period. |
Steve
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We Demand Better Tim you didn't piss anyone off with your article. What you did do was disappoint Dobbers readers as we are use to better hockey articles then the crap you posted up. I'm willing to give you another shot but if your next one is anything like this one I will take your advice and not read your columns and I know other Dobbertons will as well. |
Chris
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Willie Mitchell Considering that Willie was born and raised on Canada's tropical island in the pacific, and (as everyone knows) here on that island we have the best weed on earth, i doubt he signed in LA for the legal access... Im just sayin...  Now Wellwood, there is a guy who might have showed up for a tryout in LA if prop 19 passed! |
Tim Arnold
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Next... @littleranger I'll keep that one in mind. Could make for some hilariousness. I can't wait to see what kind of reaction my piece on "Players who must be stoned" with comical references to Prop. 19 gets. If the word "shit" gets peoples panties in knots like this, do I dare make a funny pot reference about a player in California who might be a little slow, lethargic, and has a serious case of the munchies? Sorry, Willie Mitchell. I knew there were ulterior motives behind signing with the Kings. |
Big Ev
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... Wow, most of you are soft. Language? Give me a break, all he said was SHIT. Everybody swears, don't know why it's a big deal for swearing to be in an article. |
Repent Tokyo
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don't know many REAL hockey fans that talk like this article and considering i live in boston, that's saying a LOT. i don't think you've pissed anyone off. i just think you disappointed a lot of people. |
Tim Arnold
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From the Mouth I didn't mean to get anyone upset at the content of the article in regards to language. Well, sort of. This way my first crack at this "no-holds barred" stuff that was encouraged of me when I was asked to write for Dobber. I was asked to use language, speak like a REAL hockey fan, and was asked to express myself explicitly. You can be sure there will be plenty more of this to come, and if you're not big of some off the wall language, then don't read it. Plain and simple. I pride myself on calling it like it is, not how it might be. If I could log in and find 500 comments on an article, I would HOPE that 250 them would be from haters who I've pissed off. That's what keeps things interesting and me excited to write more! I am not "Burns", nor do I intend to be. Thanks to all for the welcome. I look forward to making more of you laugh, and more of you piss and moan in the very near future! Tim thepuckdude |
Steve
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I fully agree with Little Ranger Using the word "Shit or Shitting" 8 times in a very short article is unacceptable. This article "Shit" the bed... pun intended... |
littleranger
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... I can say that I read and did not 'gloss' this article... Its just the rude and foul language used to contrive the point that these players are doing bad...it just was such a pointless read. He could have just put 'Iggy,Fleury,Myers and Leafs other than Kessel/Macarthur are shitting the bed.' I could have just asked a truck driver or farmer for his hockey opinions this season and got the same answer (maybe a little less foul) |
Hockey Hoser
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Honestly now... Sometimes I wonder if people actually "read" the articles before posting comments. Glossing an article doesn't count. There's more then just the text, there's the subtext that also needs to be taken into account and the dialogue it generates. Obviously this article was written in jest. I personally found it refreshing to hear the perspectif of a frustrated poolie/writer. We all go through the ups and downs each season therefore we should all be able to relate right? Great job Tim, I love the edge and I look forward to your next article. |
Chandan Singh
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decent first spin out besides pointing out the obvious its nice to see a change of pace from the regular articles. back to that burnsy flair. im sure Tim will fit in with time. Welcome to dobber hockey buddy! |
Steffen
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...and I'l go further... I used to try to do what the writers here do on a regular basis. Put their opinions out there, try to back them up, and sit back and get criticized. I used to write for TMR, and I beat Maltais (and Fergusson) in a 1-year, and you never hear me crow about either. Sorry. It bugs me to see negative posts on a writer's 1st column here. |
Steffen
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demanding? just a little... Apparently some of the Dobberites are insisting on immediate compliance with the bar they've set, instead of the bar set by the Dobbermeister for this particular role. Give the guy (Tim Arnold) a chance, fer chrissakes! After all, he's filling in for Burns! Consider this column his getting his big toe wet. Testing the waters. You nay-sayers are making that water cold. Frack the language issue, and forgive the depth/style trade-off he chose, and give the guy some rope on DobberHockey's 5th. Geez (if that ain't too sacrilegious). |
saints
said:
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congrats Just as Dobber celebrates five years, and forges his way into mainstream hockey culture, rivaling sites such as TSN or ESPN for informative hockey news and opinions, you write an article on "bedshi**ing" and set a new record for language. too bad. |
littleranger
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... This article shit the bed...tell me something the world of hockey doesnt know... |
Greg F
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... lol great article. I couldn't agree with you more about Iggy. Would love to see him rented out at the end of the season to the Kings. |
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