The pet store - you know the one. The one that you somehow hit up every time you’re at the mall. I’m guilty, too. You’re not alone. I blame my wife, but who’s kidding who? I’m a sucker for puppies. And then came the day. Two weeks ago, I got roped into buying a beagle puppy. Her name is Ruby. I love animals more than anyone, but Ruby has the Lord to thank that I don’t own a firearm.
One night, after I think was shit No. 2 on my duvet, my wife says to me “Hey you’ve had a rough night with bed shitting”.
I reply with a puzzled “WTF are you talking about?”
“Well the Leafs just shit the bed verus the Rangers, and Ruby just shit our bed.” I couldn’t believe it. She was right. My life has turned into one big night of bed shitting. If @biznasty2point0 lived closer, he could supply me some help in cleaning it all up.
I play in four leagues. After three weeks, I am sitting like this. First of 12, first of 12, third of 12 and a beautiful 12 of 12. Yes, 12 of 12 in that last one. You know who you are! We’ve all got one of those teams. What was that about bed shitting? Don’t worry. We still have plenty of time to change the sheets.
There’s a few guys who need fresh sheets in a hurry.
- Cowtown is missing Jarome Iginla. Iggy is looking like he may have lost a small step, and for the first time ever is looking almost awkwardly out of place in Calgary these days. I still think he is capable of scoring 25- 30 goals, but the days of 40 are gone. How he didn’t immediately ask for a trade the day they brought back both Tanguay and Jokinen is beyond me. Classy guy, but it’s time to go. He would look really good in an LA Kings jersey.
- Anyone in Toronto not named Phil Kessel or Clarke Macarthur. The two of them have accounted for 14 of the Leafs 31 goals. Nearly 50%. I am still taking the under in the “Does Macarthur Score 20" department. I know Parise owners are looking for LW replacement on the wire, but Clarke Macarthur isn’t Clarke Kent.
- I was eating breakfast at Denny’s in Pittsburgh this week and I swear I saw Marc-Andre Fleury’s face on a milk carton. When Pittsburgh gets electricity, it will be on the TV there, too. They’re really worried. Is it too early to drop a guy like Fleury if someone such as Michal Neuvirth is available on waivers? I’d say not quite yet on the drop, but you’re gonna have to sacrifice something, somewhere, to help get you through this classic bed shitting.
- How about Tyler Myers? His minus-12 rating has made me puke in my throat a few times already. He should just be sleeping on the mattress, no sheets at all. He’s shit them every night for three weeks. Enough is enough.
Do I need to tell you what not to do this week?
Now, about that firearm...