Beefs and bouquets thrown at players by the Puck Pastor


When I was growing up there was a section in the local paper which always cracked me up. It was called "Beefs and Bouquets". The fine citizens of my hometown (or at least the ones who could read and write) would send letters into the newspaper expressing their thanks for something, this was called a "Bouquet". The negative or critical comments would be the “Beefs”. Tragically, the literary genre of "Beef and Bouquet" seems to have fallen by the wayside (except, as google reveals in the BC town of Nanaimo where Beefs and Bouquets continue to be flung around town like the puck on a 5 on 3.


In an effort to leverage my unprecedented Internet influence and bring back the genre, I present: Puck Pastor's Beefs and Bouquets. 


Beef - to the guys in my hockey pool who outbidded me for free agents Kevin Poulin and Marek Mazanec leaving me with Reto Berra and Carter Hutton as my two starters. My GAA is soon going to be north of four.


Bouquet - to Jonathan Toews for a world class performance Thursday night against the Winnipeg Jets. The backhand saucer assist through the zone to Hossa was incredible.


Bouquet - to the guy who works at Wal-mart who responded to my "How's it going?" with a dead pan "I'm living the dream". You had me giggling like Alain Vigneault at Vern Fiddler.


Beef - to whomever does marketing for the TSNJET's channel. I am so tired of hearing about ZOOMIES. I'm reciting the narration in my sleep. I'd happily go back to the ShamWOW guy. The worst part is when you try to convince me wearing zoomies turns a 14 inch CRT TV into a 70’ LED.


Bouquet - to the Edmonton Oilers for winning three straight, if you can now only manage to win 45 of the next 50 you will be laughing.


Bouquet - to Ben Scrivens for singlehandedly moving me from sixth to first in my Dobbernomics league in the last week. 


Beef – to the florist who sold me the wilting bouquet.


Bouquet - also to Ben Scrivens for supplying me with a name for my butler should I ever get one. "I say, good show twice around the park and then home for tea."


Bouquet - the line of Derek Stepan, Chris Kreider, and Mats Zuccarello for absolutely owning the Boston Bruins (or “pwning” as the kids say); probably a good chance two of these guys (Kreider, Zuccarello) are available on the wire.


Beef - to myself, for dropping Mats Zuccarello a few weeks ago before the Rangers got rolling.


Bouquet – to the guy who gave me a great deal on a side of beef.


Beef - to the Detroit Red Wings for not bringing Gustav Nyquist up to the bigs sooner.


Bouquet - to the Detroit Red Wings for not burying Nyquist on the fourth line when called up. Last I heard he was still practicing with Zetterberg and Franzen.


Bouquet - to Jacob Trouba and his quick recovery; apparently he is getting close to returning and if he picks up where he left off will be a good waiver pick up.


Hopefully, there is something useful in there for you as you mull over your fantasy options.



 Recent Puck Pastor articles:


Making Wise Decisions 
Thoughts on my fantasy hockey draft 
Capitalize on Chaos 



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Comments (12)add comment

canucker16 said:

... Funny little read - thanks! I've got a list of my own beefs and bouqets like: I've dressed Grabovski for every one of his games except his 3pt game followed by his 3 1 pt games in ar ow. Arg!
I actually love the little spelling/grammar things, but that's my sense of humour. I was just with a friend the other days:
Friend: "I'm so happy! I got a Christmas bonus from each of my two jobs! That's two Christmas bonuses!"
Me: "That's great! Wouldn't it be Christmas boni though?"
Friend: "boni?!? I don't think that's a word. It sounds dirty"
Me: "No, I'm pretty sure it is. One Octopus, two octopi. One uterus, two uteri. One Christmas bonus. Two Christmas boni."
Friend: "Hmm.. you may have a point..."
Outbid, outbidded... love it!
November 27, 2013
Votes: +0

Anti grammar-police said:

@Dakkster All I'm gonna say is there's a reason PP is a contributing writer for featured articles on this site and you're just a guy with 10,000 forum posts. If he wants to make up a few words a long the way, I'm pretty okay with that. This is a fantasy hockey website, not the Wall Street Journal.
November 27, 2013
Votes: +1

mojavedesert said:

"outbidded" I think Dakk's beef is the use of "outbidded", which is not a word. The correct usage would be "outbid", which itself is the past tense.
November 26, 2013
Votes: +0

Chico Resch said:

Chico Resch
Fun Stuff Thanks for the fun little post PP.

Appreciate the efforts.
November 26, 2013
Votes: +0

spoilers said:

... Ugh…gave me the chills. The florist/beef sale joke was almost unbearable the first time…my eyeballs bled after reading the same joke for the second time.
November 26, 2013
Votes: -1

Dobber said:

... Dakk - if only I edited it to read "outbidded". Damn, then it would have been a professional article, right? Honestly, it's okay to show restraint and not comment at all. I fixed the word "outbidded" for you, so now I'm back above Hockey Writers. All the shit that has gone down on the sites the past two months as I pour my guts out to try to fix, and I get burned for "out bidded".
November 26, 2013
Votes: +2

Dobber said:

... Poolies - are you referring to the comments? Agreed.
November 26, 2013
Votes: +1

poolies said:

... This is worthless drivel on a fantasy hockey site.
November 26, 2013
Votes: -3

Dakkster said:

... "out bidded"? Really?

I'll just stick to reading the ramblings from now on. The quality of articles have dropped to sub-thehockeywriters-level. Yeah, I know, whining etc. Just letting you know why you're losing clicks.
November 25, 2013
Votes: -3

MolsonX said:

... @dutch - It makes you laugh and helps you relax.
November 25, 2013
Votes: +2

Dutch said:

... worst article ever. How does this help me I my pool?
November 25, 2013
Votes: -4

shallowfrozenwater said:

... i think that perhaps you register a formal nickname request for Ben "the butler" Scrivens. i like it.
November 25, 2013
Votes: +2
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